I am on all these other blogs, and I just stopped writing--couldn't hack it, yet I figure I will shoot my wad here until it's time to move on.Anyone who knows me well or reads between the lines of my other blog should understand I am, at best, ambivalent about marriage. Personally I think you hit a point in life in which you are screwed either way: you are single, getting older and the fun days of partying your ass off lose their appeal. You face a loneliness, but you don't quite know what to do about it because marriage looks like jail. Yet do those married couples have something you don't? Isn't marriage just something to do--a bit like going to the bathroom?
Ah, then you fall in love. It's great, and you know that no one has a relationship quite like yours. You and your loved one possess the eternal secret--to love and to be loved. Sex is great. You both can talk forever about anything; time never seems to drag. This is it!
You get married and after a while, it isn't so great. Things come out about you and your partner that neither one planned. Yes, marriage is work, yes, it takes maturity, but are you ready to be a grown-up? Hell no. So you leave or you stay. Either way your illusions seem futile and sad, as though you were promised the powerball lottery, but only got stuck with the ticket.
It hit me today that I don't know one happily married couple. I also realize that those who are still in the game are moving heaven and earth to make it work. That comprises most of my friends. A few get divorced and suffer social ostricization, child support issues, asshole ex-spouses, returning to the sucko dating scene and to top it off, they feel like failures.
I will admit right now that I am a little drunk. So before you slam me with sober comments, don't think I am saying anything of merit. A student of mine told me she was getting married this weekend, and all I wanted to say to her was: Why are you fucking up your life? But I just congratulated her, and my class is even going to have a shower for her.
Anyway, if I post again, I might write about sex and love addiction. But I have to be a bit less drunk. I'm just pissed off at the world today.
14 comments:
Damn, this is fucking cynical. See what 2 glasses of wine does to me after work. I will sleep on it and decide if I should delete it tomorrow.
Marriage is great. Go for it.
I couldn't agree with you more. I will never marry. just won't happen. Not because of the thought of losing half my shit. You know me well enough by now that I don't care at all for that type of thing. It's the emotional damage and drama. I mean hell, it's a choice to be with someone, not a fucking commitment. When you throw that into the mix, every player, the man, woman, their friends, their loved ones, fuck everyone has a say in the relationship in some way. Why, because we are now labeled as "married"??? Funny how society the english meaning of words play into our relationships with one another. I think I will keep it as a choice to be with someone and them me. I don't give a shit of we live in sin, seperate households, or what. Being with someone should always be because you WANT to be. Not because of some social bullshit meaning of a word.
most of them marry because of fear of being lonely and not for love.
Never should we fear loneliness because we are lonely no matter what.
Be married or be lonely.No matter what be happy.
hell that's difficult
Amen, Desperado.
I will never marry again. My partner agrees. I would rather love truly and deeply and not have a peice of paper that states I am allowed to be happy.
My own marriage killed something inside of me that will never be alive again, but when I divorced I knew there was love still out there. I have tried and failed several times.
I can say it truly takes work and communication. It is not easy thing to love someone...
If you need someone to talk to...email me, I am always here for you and understand feeling dead inside.
I have been working up to that one, Barb, but it's been hard for me--not because of you--I am my own worst enemy. Lately something is breaking inside of me; I can feel it--it requires some explanation which I won't do here, but I think I am getting to the point that I can't hold it in. I will email you and speak more frankly.
Interesting. Sounds like a "grass is greener" sentiment on all sides, for I envy the married. After a certain age, singleness really sucks. It can get pretty lonely in the cold.
Point well taken, X-Dell. This is one reason I think it is a fallacy to believe life is all about happiness. No matter what choice we make (or is made for us), there is always misery and ennui. And no, I haven't been reading Sarte, but I did recently unpack some of his books. I always liked the ones he wrote on Baudelaire and Jean Genet more than his own stuff.
Interesting post Susan,
I totally get ya. I know a few 'happy' couples, but its more because they learned how to work the system than that they are 'soulmates'. I dont know the answer... but I would bet that this is why there are so many people having affairs in the world. To fill that void.
I dont think I would ever remarry. Just live together. Hopefully I wont have to go there though.
Dells point is a good one though about the grass being greener.
My brother and his wife have been married for 47 years, and still act like newlyweds. They have their ups and downs, but the older they get the more ups they have. I think some people are happier married. And some like me can't even bear the thought of it....Its about freedom, I guess. Will the other person give you the freedom you need to be who you are? Scared to even find out.
guys,
no new posts on this blog??
im waiting
Oh shit, this is deep. I married 'cos I wanted kids and I knew I'd never find anyone who loved me so much as my potential hubby did. He still worships me. I've been trying to divorce him for years, he just won't give me any reason to. He's a far better parent than me, and he forgives me anything - nothing is ever my fault.
He drives me nuts. Careful of what you wish for.
sigh.
ps. If I ever do one fine day finally manage to escape, there is no way on God's green earth I will ever, ever live with anyone again.
Sod that for a game of soldiers!
first time here...nice blog
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